I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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