I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think I won the penis lottery.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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