well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
