So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
