Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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