I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
