you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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