i think my mom watched the whole time
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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