So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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