I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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