I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
