a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
