you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
