I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
