I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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