I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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