So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
