The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will be naked everywhere
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
