Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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