I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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