Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
