I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
