is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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