Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
