i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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