we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
