Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
