I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
