Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
