I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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