god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
