dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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