I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Buhtt sex?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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