even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
