honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
