Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They have beer where we have blood.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
