You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
