So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
