i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sobbing to NWA
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
