i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
