just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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