its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She even gives head with a lisp.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
