May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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