youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
