Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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