i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
