I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
People in love make me want to vomit
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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