i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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