I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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