Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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