remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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