So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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