My friends, they love my intelligence
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
