Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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